My Singleness Journey

So as many of you know, my testimony of me giving my heart to Jesus stemmed from a break up from a relationship which left me with a whole roller coaster of emotions to go through, as well as a large amount of pain that I held back from everyone around me. Being single for just over a year and a half now, I’ve learnt so much and gained so much wisdom on how to learn and grow in this season, and how to deal with possible trials that come with it. I’m going to share of few of the lessons, revelations and experiences I’ve had, hoping that it will encourage many of you single believers to continue to press into God.

You’re probably thinking ‘single for a year and a half… okay that’s not that big of a deal’, but when you contrast where I am now with how I was before I surrendered my heart to Christ, it IS a big deal. I was very prone to throwing my heart out to several guys at one point (judgement free blog guys lol), I would go on dates with different guys just for the sake of it, and never REALLY appreciated my worth and what I truly had to offer in a relationship. Long story short, the relationship I was in prior to being born again ended, but I still struggled greatly with discontentment as far as romantic relationships. I still desired someone to be close with, someone to be best friends with, even if it wasn’t sexually physical.

As mentioned in previous blogposts, I had made an agreement with God that my next ‘boyfriend’ would be my husband and that I would wait for GOD’s presentation. However, for me that didn’t just mean I could date around and just not make them my official boyfriend. I had to be completely honest with myself, knowing that God was fully aware of my tendencies and habits.  It meant boundaries, sacrifice and guarding my heart against what I knew was my biggest distraction. People always ask me why I make the daily decision not to just go on a date and entertain a guy, and my answer is simple; I don’t want to awaken pre-mature desires. Song of Solomon 8:4 had always been ringing in my spirit - ‘’Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.’’ A lot can start from one date. Many of us have overlooked how quickly an unhealthy attachment can form if we are led by our own emotions and not the Spirit. By dating several guys, you not only run the risk of forming connections that lead to unwanted vulnerability, but you also put yourself in a position where you’re giving so much of your heart away to all these different guys that there is basically nothing left for you to give to your actual God-sent husband. I also acknowledged that the bible warns us that the enemy can turn himself into an ‘angel of light’, which cautioned me to not be naive and fall for a guy who seemed to be sent by God because He is everything I want in a man, when it could simply be the enemy attempting to distract me from the call of God on my life.

For me personally, a big lesson that God has taught me is that it is my responsibility to protect my God-given purpose and the vision that God has entrusted me with. You’re probably thinking ‘’what does that have to do with your singleness?’’ A partner can influence the way you submit to the will of God for your life, whether you want to believe it or not. Making the conscious decision to disobey God and rebel against the leading of the Holy Spirit, can cause many unnecessary detours that distract you from your purpose. I knew that what God was birthing inside of me was so precious and would be of great impact to God’s people, and I couldn’t afford to let any guy divert my attention away from the work of the Lord that I am called to do.

The Lord gave me a revelation from the story of Samson’s birth in Judges 13 and made me realise just how important my decision to wait for Him to move in my life was. Judges 13 verses 4 and 5 reads ; ‘’So be careful; you must not drink wine or any other alcoholic drink nor eat any forbidden food. You will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and his hair must never be cut. For he will be dedicated to God as a Nazirite from birth. He will begin to rescue Israel from the Philistines.” God gave Monoah’s wife such specific instructions. They were instructions of sacrifice that needed to be obeyed in order for Samson to be birthed to his full potential and purpose. God shared with me that the same way that Samson’s mother had to refrain from eating and drinking certain things, I had to refrain from dating and speaking to guys that were not sent by God Himself. I had to follow these instructions from the Lord in order for my PURPOSE to be birthed properly, and for the opportunities to minister the word of God to awaken accordingly. What also struck out to me, was that the angel/man of God said that ‘’he will be dedicated to God’’. These instructions weren’t given without reason or meaning, but they were given because later on Samson would be used to heavily influence the saving of God’s people. I realised that choosing to wait for God’s best for me and ensuring that my standard aligned with the word of God and specific instruction He had given me in prayer, was not in vain. The decision to remain still, unmoved and firm in faith concerning what God had told me to endure, would impact Kingdom Ambassadors itself. I was reassured that one day I would see the manifestation of God’s glory and the impact on the salvation of His people through my obedience to Him.

I wanted to give you all my 5 top tips or pieces of wisdom that you should reflect on as a single believer in Christ:

1.       Remain content! Now I know this is a STRUGGLE, especially in a society that pushes young people, particularly girls to engage in romance from such a young age, but we must continue to stay in a place of contentment. Contentment is not lying to yourself and saying ‘’yeah no I’m so happy single, I never want to married’’ when you really do! It’s fine to have that desire. It’s about remaining in a state where you are thankful for your current portion. Instead of rushing ahead of what is not for you yet, you ask God to have His way and His will in HIS time.

Philippians 4:11-13

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

2.       Seek God more than anything! When you’re earnestly seeking a spouse instead of the heart of Christ Jesus, you know that you need to ask God to help you to examine the motives of your heart. We must hunger for righteousness, in which the bible says that we will be filled, and ensure that intimacy with Jesus remains the focal point of our lives. When we begin to idolise marriage and fantasise over the thought of relationships, our eyes sway from the cross to the thoughts of lust.

Matthew 6:33

Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

3.       Use your single season effectively! I will say this over and over again. Do not waste this time being stagnant waiting for a man or a woman. Use this time to serve God to the full capability that you can because you lack the pressuring responsibilities of marriage and a family. Seek your purpose and be active in ways that God is leading you to exercise your faith to build the Kingdom of God. Also, allow God to take you on a journey of character building. Something I love to do with God now is study different fruits of the Spirit regularly (Galatians 5:22) and allow him to show me areas that need work. Instead of aiming for a date, a new man or a ring, aim to become closest to the image of Jesus as you can.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

4.       Stay accountable! I cannot stress how important this is! Being honest with yourself is one thing, but having to be honest with a leader and other believers is another. During this last year, I’ve ensured that I keep my pastor and mentor updated with what’s going on with me both spiritually and emotionally, so that they can encourage me  and pray for me. Accountability is vital in ensuring that you have wise counsel that can check your emotions, desires and actions as you progress in your walk with Christ. This is one thing that I believe has kept me very focused on the work of God, and not on my ever-changing emotions.

Proverbs 11:14

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety.

5.       Do NOT compare yourself to others! Let me be TRANSPARENT! This is the lesson I found hardest to swallow, simply because of my circumstance. Being the only single one out of my group of best friends easily made me slip into moments of discontentment, frustration at my promise to God, and an eagerness to just join them in what they were doing. BUT! I continued to stay encouraged by the faithfulness of God and the promises of the word of God. I reminded myself daily to stay looking straight at Jesus and not to the left or to the right at what everyone else was doing, because I knew that the marriage that God will ordain for me will be one of absolute service as one flesh to HIM. And that in itself, would not come quickly, nor at a time that I wasn’t ready.

Proverbs 23:17

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.

So I encourage you to rest in the Lord. Be reassured that this season is not by accident and that there a REASON why you are single right now. This past year has been such a beautiful journey with the Lord. I’ve learnt how to be by myself. No man, no dates, no pillow talk ; just me and the Lord. As I continued to press into Christ when things got tough and overly emotional, He answered my prayers of being saturated in His Spirit with my heart completely set on receiving, giving and sharing the grace of Jesus Christ. God has been so gracious and patient with me despite my slip ups. I’m not encouraging you from a place of perfection by any means, because there have been times where I have liked guys. But what I noticed in those moments was that the rejection felt or temporary hurt when things didn’t go as I desired, wasn’t shaking me how it used to when I belonged to this world. Christ has given me reassurance of who I am in HIM, and taught me that as I continue to delight myself in the heart of such a wonderful God, and remain zealous about the things of God, He will meet me right where I am.

He hasn’t forgotten about you, wait and pursue God. Only HE heals. Only HE fills empty voids. 

Contact Me:

Email - kingdomambassadors@hotmail.com

Twitter - @_caitlinnunez

Instagram - @caitlinnunez